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JYL.

JYL

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Today was hot, and I ended up doing a fair bit of unnecessary walking thanks to Shann taking us forty minutes out of our way when we ventured to the letting agent to sign some papers and pay some fees. But really, thank God that, after people dropping out and lost houses, we have finally sorted a place to live for next year.

All of this made me late to see Ji Young (sorrrrryyyyyy) and very tired. But my time in town was cool and we took loads of pictures. Well, she did. These geese seemed pretty friendly too. But yeah, apart from my time in town, today was a day that should have been better than it was.

“YOU CAN’T HAVE MY BOOTY!!”

“I pulled this gas tank from an old Chevy. I wanted to blow it up, so I did. What I didn’t think about was all the, y’know, little bits of metal that were going to fly in every direction. I almost killed myself. I woke up in this hospital and this doctor was like, “Son…” and I said “Don’t call me son, you fucking cunt.” And he was like, “You blew off your nut”… I just lost my nut, like that. I went fucking crazy. I assaulted a nurse or a doctor, I don’t know. I got arrested. I went to juvee. All I could think about was my fucking nut, man. I’m missing a nut. What am I going to do? I had to go looking for it, right? So I busted out of juvee and I went searching. I couldn’t find my nut… Well, there was this one night I was sitting there and I was taking a shit and I was looking at my balls and I was staring at this little piece of flabby sack where my left nut used to be. And then I saw my right nut for the first time. I was like FUCK MAN, MY NUT! Look, I have one, I still have a nut. Right? It’s a good nut, it works. God, or the fucking devil, or whoever the fuck it is you know he left me with one good nut. I still have a fucking nut and it works. And my fucking dick works too…. You lost your wife. And you lost your mom. I lost my nut.” 

“Funny guy, right here… Jerry Seinfeld’s a FUNNY GUY!”

“Me? I’m dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest… Honestly, it’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… Stupid.”

“That is mahogany!”

 ”They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard.”

“Do, or do not. There is no try.”

“Laters on the menjay.”

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”